Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Can I Get a Witness? True Story # 3

We've known each other since 1981. While sitting on the beach with one of my oldest and best friends, I tried to explain what having a relationship with Jesus is really about. Man, did I do a really, really bad job.

She started asking me questions, like...."well, what you mean Jesus answered all your prayers, isn't that just life working itself out.." and I'm babbling....ummmm, yeah but I just love Him so much! Then I REALLY started : There's a hole in me that no food, no pill, no wine, no man, no friend, no nothing can fill like Jesus....and you know if you were like really into knitting.....you'd wanna join a knitting club, right? So that's why I go to church, 'cause I wanna be with other people that love Him so much, like me.
And I am not afraid of death, ok, yeah, maybe still a little...but this Alpha course I took, blah, blah, blah...I was plummeting. It got so bad I started to sing, (which I absolutely should never do in public anyway since I have no tone whatsoever) and she said I sounded like an old woman, which was hilarious but didn't help and then I declared to her I would happily kneel on this beach, RIGHT NOW and exclaim to the everyone how much I love Jesus.

And then she's asking me about small groups...and I'm promoting small groups, because she really doesn't know what they are about and then I say: well, NORMAL people go...it's not like that....UGH.

And she concludes with "but maybe everything you went through in your life, Maria, maybe that's why you love God, you and your kids and all that divorce and stuff... and you're still kinda screwed up, ....so...uhhhhh...anyway, where's that Pottery Barn Catalog you brought?"

Oh whatthe......I mean, you had to be there.

I blew it. My one in, my chance to tell one of my dearest friends about the Love and Grace that only comes through Jesus. She's never asked before, I never tried to Bible thump or push anything down her proverbial spiritual throat...And there I am, the woman who can debate and shoot the crap for hours about literally anything just drops the Jesus ball. Man.

I have never had such a clear, intimate opportunity to evangelize...and it all came out like crazychristiantownusa.

I needed help. But I didn't ask. I just kept trying to expound to her about the Bible, how it's the one true word, how it calms me down when I am all riled up about whatever...how everything in the Bible is actually coming to fruition, and blah blah blah...crazychristiantownusa.

I do not know how to witness. I do not know how to evangelize. And I am gonna learn. 'Cause the next time God gives me a perfect shot at telling a friend or family member about Him and His Son and the Holy Spirit, and grace, you can be dangsure I ain't gonna be comparing it to a knitting club...

And I am NOT going to start singing. Not Ever.

Monday, August 19, 2013


When am I going to stop ranting? I need to be gentle. But when I read somebody's status that bugs me....ummm I rant.

Love me a good rant. Ain't even gonna lie. Especially when I think I'm right. Even better is when I know I'm right.

I just rant on and on, feeling justified in my self-righteous opinions and well researched facts which end up equaling: a RANT.

Inevitably I feel bad after my rant. I realize I need to be more gentle. More kind. My well-honed opinions of pop culture and topical news could be delivered in a softer, less sarcastic way.
I gotta start trying harder. I gotta rant less, love more. Ok, new MANTRA: rant less, love more.

One problem, zizzle, these opinions of mine. Um, they wanna bust out like pin-size hole in a water balloon....phrewwwwwww..and out they come. Like when I read a status from teachers who are off all FREAKIN SUMMER and then they start saying....aw, gotta go back to work, summer's over...and they get like a hundred likes...and I am bustin'..I am just bustin' to leave a sarcastic comment...."poor you, aw, you were home or on vacation for 8 weeks...aw, that ain't right...."

I write it. Then I delete it. Cause I wanna be gentler. And being gentler is hard for me.

And because I like alot of these people. When the rant starts, I lose sight of who is reading it. I forget that the teacher who may have posted this status could actually be someone I like. Ouch.

I realize how gentle God is with me. He knows me. He knows how easily and sharply I can attack. And He still loves me. Ouch.

He knows I feel bad afterward, even when I am just thinking about the verbal attack, that one I may not post, but am still entertaining the stinging thoughts swirling in my brain...He knows. And He still loves me.

But don't get me wrong, I believe God gives ME a good old fashioned RANT whenever He sees me acting up...ohyeahHEdoes. He calls me out. 

Calls me out---I was abrupt with someone, like that lady today....and her beautiful, round eyes brimmed with tears, then I teared up...and held her hand, told it was going to be ok, I would help her.

Ok so, maybe with some work, I will become more Gentle. RANT LESS, LOVE MORE. 

QUICK SOMEBODY, LET ME POST MY NEW STATUS....at least for today....