Happy Easter and I edited my The Great Divorce post -- 'cause I read it after several months and it's boring and not exactly how I wanted it to look and read. I wrote the post in about 10 minutes about 9 months ago and re reading it was laborious to say the least.
So if you've read it, maybe re read it, maybe not.
I had a nervous breakdown in 2014. And now I know why they call it a breakdown.
It never breaks down.
You're stuck with that one label.
Even if you're healed - you had a nervous breakdown.
You're not called a breakdown survivor, like cancer survivors. There's no victory in our healing.
You're a person who had a nervous breakdown and now at least for me, many people who I thought of as friends - want nothing to do with me. Shamed. Shunned.
How sad is that ?
Well it's pretty sad.
Happy Easter - representing resurrection- the new.
I'm healed now. I'm new. That was 4 years ago.
I'm a breakdown survivor. Are you?
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Another Holiday is here. For an estranged mom like me that triggers a pit in my stomach, one I can't shake.
But I've got to. My husband and family members will be waiting for me for Easter dinner, side dish in hand.
I miss my daughters terribly - all of them - and hopefully I'll be seeing one daughter this Holiday and maybe even talk to another .. bestill my heart..
But one of my daughters still doesn't want to talk to me right now.
And I have to respect that wish, and in the past I haven't.. I've sent pictures through email, glad tidings over Christmas, and a letter telling her I won't bother her anymore. And I won't.
You see, once you're a mom, you're programmed to keep trying, at least I am, determined to make things all better, all warm and cozy, forgive and move forward and keep reiterating how much I love her. Even when she may feel I'm not worth loving. That doesn't matter to moms like me ... we love unconditionally so we think even though she doesn't want to talk to me - I gotta let her know I love her.
But that's not respect. And my entire estrangement at it's core is love and respect. We all want it, we all need it, because we're human.
So no reaching out anymore. Respecting her wishes, praying for her happiness and sending my love to her into the universe and just letting it go.
And another Holiday is here. Happy Easter wherever you are sweetheart...
Cook the rice and beans, grab the flowers for my mom and mother in law and let my love vibe show.
Christ is risen.
Prayers for today and every day: