Thursday, October 2, 2014

Chinese menus, Tests and Trust

I keep listening to the Paul Simon song, Mother and Child Reunion, and although I know he came up with the title from a Chinese restaurant dish, and it was probably about the death of his dog....etc...

It doesn't matter. I can relate to the lyrics.

I adore my children. I am also pretty sure I made them my idols. I am absolutely sure I am not their idol. And I know they love me....but.

I am estranged from my children. Geographically, emotionally. We may never see eye to eye on specific events.

We may never see other eye to eye again. Period.

False hope. I seem to have alot of false hope. Did you ever have that feeling like, ummmmmm things are never gonna be the same. They're just not. Deal.

I was wrong. You were wrong. We were both wrong. And although we say we forgive each other, it still sits out there like a chemical cloud, hovering over us.

Or by us I mean me.

I know God never gives false hope. I know that. So why don't I trust it? Trust this test will be handled by Him, in His way so I better shut up and leave it to Him.

Yet in the back of my head I hear this song, and I know it's only a moment away.    

oh, little darling of mine.

I just can't believe it's so,
and though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again.

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